The Unexpected Practice That Helped Me Heal From Breast Cancer, and Didn’t Cost Me a Thing.

In my own healing journey, the most transformative shift came from learning to forgive myself — and to accept the reality of what life brings forward. In other words, learning self-compassion.

I know this not just from research, but from my own life.

When I was 28, I had a head injury that changed my outlook and perspective completely. I became depressed and frustrated by what had become hard for me to do. I became very hard on myself — and honestly, I stopped liking who I was. It took years to understand how I was treating myself and how deeply it was affecting my life. After being diagnosed with breast cancer I realized I couldn't continue living my life like this.  And now, looking back, I can see clearly: my ability to accept myself and have compassion for the person I had become was what started to change everything. I had to relearn how to accept where I was and be gentle with this new version of me. It wasn’t easy. I internalized a lot of shame. But slowly, through awareness and practice, I shed the self-criticism and the shame along with it.  This was the biggest part of my healing journey with breast cancer.

That journey is what brought me to the work of Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion. Her studies show that harsh self-criticism and shame keep us stressed, anxious, and stuck — while self-compassion does the opposite. It increases motivation, supports mental and physical health, and makes it genuinely easier to move through hard experiences. She identifies three core components: self-kindness over self-judgment, common humanity over isolation, and mindfulness over over-identification with our thoughts and feelings.

And here’s what I most want you to hear: self-compassion is a learnable skill.

A simple place to begin is the next time you feel overwhelmed. Pause and ask yourself: What do I need to feel safe right now?

Maybe it’s a cup of tea, a walk, something nourishing to watch, or simply placing a hand on your heart and listening to yourself. When you feel a little safer and less overwhelmed, you can bring presence to your body. Where are my feet? Can I feel them on the ground? What does that feel like?

Safety is the foundation of self-compassion. From that place of safety, there’s space to be human — to be gentle with yourself around whatever is coming up. Time and space become allies rather than enemies.

You deserve that kind of gentleness. We all do.

When you practice self compassion intentionally, you build the muscle for it — and real change begins to take root. The outcome of this practice, over time, is resilience.

If you want support with bringing this kind of gentleness and self compassion to your healing journey, schedule a free clarity call here.